Eating Journey

Entries categorized as ‘weight’

For Me…

November 3, 2009 · 22 Comments

While I was down south this weekend I took a bit of time away for myself. I was away from a mobile (cell) phone, the distractions of a man (well lusting after one), away from my blog (tear), away from work.

It was just me chilin’.

It has been a year since I joined WW after a last ditched effort to maintain a 20 lbs weight loss. I had lost over 100lbs by the time of July 09′.

I then started dating a man who said to me ‘I have a problem with your weight’.

Well, being the perfectionist, pleasing, moronic woman who I was at the time, I did WW online and lost that weight, worked out and got down to my birthday weigh-in of 168lbs.

He came back from an trip, before my big weigh-in on my birthday. I remember that day so vividly. I remember him opening the gate and being totally nervous about what he’d think of me. I just wanted him to think that I was good enough. I wanted to be thin.

He said to me ‘wow, you are actually starting to get skinny’.

validation.

I went to the WW meetings after this because I had gained about 10lbs back from by birthday weight. I didn’t want to gain any of the weight back that I had lost.

I wanted to stay skinny–for HIM.

It helped me lose the weight and I was about .2lbs away from being at ‘goal’ before I headed home in 08′ for two weeks in America for Thanksgiving. What happened was:

  • beginning of binging
  • beginning of obsessive thoughts on my weight–to the point that my sister pulled me aside and told me my family was worried about how much I stressed about my weight. I didn’t want to gain weight back for my BF. What would he think?
  • beginning of MAJOR health problems.

Through the better half of 09′ I binged and tried to bring myself out of the depths of hell with my body image. This was sparked by the final comment of our official relationship

‘Michelle, my biggest fear is that you’ll gain all (120lbs) of the weight that you have lost’.

I did the best I could to gain it back.

Throughout this whole time I was on WW. I was ‘dieting’. Actually it was good mornings coupled with binging evenings.

I sought counselling, when to Timor, and came back saying: ‘I am never doing an f-ing diet again’.

I will say this, I AM HAPPY WITH WHERE I AM AT.

However, I want to lose this bit of weight for ME, so that I can get back into a healthy-weight range for my height.
For my HEALTH!
For my CONFIDENCE!
For all women who do it for other reasons then health, added happiness and other people.

I don’t blame WW (I did however for a long time, calling it depravity).
I have forgiven my ex.

Now it’s time to be honest with myself: I am ready to start this weight loss journey for myself. So that I can lose that little bit of weight and emotional triggers that have plagued my life for ten months.

I share this journey, because I want to be honest with you as readers. I want to be honest with myself. I am not going on any crazy diet.

What I will do is add to my life a healthy approach to food and an even healthier approach to me..FOR ME!

~M

Categories: food/diet · health · thoughts · weight
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I Gave it a TRI ~Katy

November 2, 2009 · 9 Comments

I am on my last leg of a crazy weekend (I am sure of it) driving the last few kms in a huge bus full of Americans. I am probably going through massive blogging/twittering/FarmVille withdrawls…it isn’t normal…for most people. Anyways, here’s the last blogger takeover. I love Katy.

Can I just say that I LOVE Katy at SillyTaterTot. I basically love that she’s real and I love that I want to eat her blog title everyday. We don’t have tatertots in Australia, I knew something was missing in my life.

I also look up to her as well, because she’s a TRI star. That’s right, she inspires me when I don’t want to bike/swim/run. She’s here to share her experiences with her journey into Tri training. Even if you haven’t ever ran a Tri (like me) finding a mini-tri (like me) and working up to a huge one (like Katy) is a great goal. I am a little ADD when it comes to exericse and the notion of switching it up throughout a race appeals to me.

~Michelle

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I Gave it a TRI ~Katy

Hi everyone! My name is Katy, and I write about food, fitness, fun and furballs on SillyTaterTot. Like you, I am in AWE of Michelle’s eating journey, and am really excited to be able to share my triathlon story with you!

2006 was one of the best years of my life. I was working at a television station, planning a wedding to my college sweetheart (Lucas), had just bought my first house and was generally fulfilled and happy.

I say generally, because there was one thing holding me back. It was my weight.

And not just my weight, but what it prevented me from doing. I couldn’t run, didn’t have the energy to walk my dogs more than a mile, and even finishing a step class at my gym was tough.

I found myself at a crossroads — or a sizeroads, if you will. I’d outgrown my size 14 pants and the next step was either into a plus size store or Weight Watchers. I chose Weight Watchers, and a year and a half later, I’d dropped 40 pounds and started a much healthier relationship with food.

But guess what? Still couldn’t run. Still couldn’t walk the dogs. And the step class? I’d slink out of the gym halfway through. I was what my dear friend MizFitOnline calls “skinny fat.” I wanted to be skinny fit.

I went to my first triathlon and saw the faces of the people as they crossed the finish line. Despite the heat, the pain and the drama of the competition, they were smiling, crying and had something I didn’t have: pride in an accomplishment.

I signed up for a super-sprint distance triathlon before I even had a bike or had run a mile, and decided then and there that I was going to become a triathlon. Trained and trained, one excruciating mile at a time, and finally crossed my first finish line. The super-sprint is an incredibly short distance event, and I think I finished in 45 minutes. It was the first time in years I’d exercised for such a long time!

(Brave of me to post a bathing suit picture, huh?) It just took one triathlon to become hooked. I started signing up for every event I could find, taking on the slightly longer sprint distance events.

It didn’t always go well — check out this video that my dear husband captured during a race that took me off course, both literally and figuratively:

If you can’t hear what I said at the end, it was “oh my gosh, I ran an extra mile!” I’d gotten lost on the trail and had to double back. I’d had a miserable transition (as you can see, I took my sweet time getting on the bike!), had forgotten my snack and much, much more.

The high I felt after each event — whether I performed well or not — is something I’ll never forget, and I’ll constantly chase. It’s dangerous to search for new competitions in the days immediately following a triathlon, but doing that led me to sign up for my first 5K and two half marathons (which I’m currently training for.) And recently, I completed my first Olympic distance triathlon, which is a 1.5km swim, 40km bike and a 5.6mile run.

My tips for getting started?

  • Just jump in. If you’re not a swimmer, get in the pool once a week and start to build up your stamina. No one cares what your stroke looks like — I’ve seen people do backstroke, float to take a break, doggie paddle and much more, even during events!
  • Don’t buy before you try (tri!) — borrow a road or mountain bike for your first race. The road bike isn’t essential, and if you’re not going to fall in love with the sport, it’s better to find that out before you drop the cash on a bike and gear.
  • Speaking of gear, if you are going to do a lot of cycling, make sure you invest in a good pair of padded bike shorts, a helmet and a bike pump. Learn to change your own tires. And, when you’re ready, consider getting cycling shoes. I did my first three triathlons in sneakers, and I was fine. But now that I have my shoes, I would never go back.
  • If you’re not good at training on your own (my preference), find a group in your area. I guarantee you that there is a club, through your local running equipment or cycling store, or even through your gym.
  • Sign up for a race and tell everyone you know that you’re doing it. Post it on your blog. Put it in your Christmas letter. Don’t keep it to yourself, because then it’s too easy to back out.

I hope you’ll see from my story that anyone — anyone! – can compete in triathlon. I’ve met cancer survivors, great-grandmothers, single fathers, teenagers and more at events and during training. I have found an internal drive that I never knew I had, and the best part is that it all adds up to that complete happy and HEALTHY person I always wanted to be.

Now I blog about my (mis)adventures in triathlon training, healthy living and more at SillyTaterTot.com, and I’d love to see you there and on Twitter.

Categories: exercise · health · list · thoughts · weight
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Half-Way ~Jen

November 1, 2009 · 2 Comments

I am currently driving a bus full of American Study Abroad students in the wine region of Western Australia. I have asked some great bloggers to provide guests posts for me.


I have chosen and eclectic mix of guest posters baby-sitters this weekend, because they all have different stories, passions, loves, JOURNIES. I found Jen through my friend Esther and I LOVE JEN! She is a holistic package of real-ness (is that a word), hilarity, honesty, funniness (is that a word) and creativity. (you must check out her photography site. If When I get married, I am flying her out to take my photos).


Have fun reading Jen’s post. She is a ball of greatness and I am go thankful she was willing to post up on my site! ~M

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Half-Way ~Jen, Ex-Hot Girl

Well, hello everyone! The lovely Michelle has asked me to do a guest post on her blog while she’s out on vacation. I’m flattered!

So… many of you might not know who I am. My name is Jenn and I am also known as “Ex Hot Girl.” I am a photographer, and a crazy chick who’s losing weight in the Midwest.

What I’d like to talk about today is being halfway through the weight loss journey. Many of us are just starting out; some of us have only 5 pounds to go. For me, I’ve lost half the weight I need to in order to reach my goal.

Tracker

42.4 pounds lost.

42.6 pounds to go.

Wow.

It is both joyous and sort of daunting at the same time. I feel really happy, and also kind of sad that I still have so much further to go. It got me thinking about what happens now that I’ve gotten to that halfway point.

  1. I feel really good about my weight loss thus far.
  2. I fit into clothes I haven’t been able to for two years.
  3. I look back at photos of myself and can really see a difference in my face and body.
  4. I feel more confident in every area of my life.
  5. My relationship with my boyfriend is even better because I have more confidence and feel more comfortable with my body.
  6. My sex life is better. Read: Less wobbly bits!

All of those things are positive ones! But there are also some things about losing weight, and not being to the goal yet that aren’t necessarily good things.

  1. I tend to loosen up on my diet. I am smaller, and experiencing all the good things that go along with it, so I feel like it’s “okay” to eat a cookie. Or, yeah, I’ll have a piece of pie. Or, my personal vice… cheese and crackers. I could sit down with a box of Ritz and a block of cheddar and go to town for a few hours. Seriously.
  2. I slack off on working out. I’m doing so well, and my body is okay right now, it’s not “crucial” that I get to the gym today…

I can’t figure out exactly what it is about being halfway there that makes me feel like such a slacker. I reached this point by being dedicated to eating well and controlling what went into my mouth. I had “no thanks,” down to an art form.

Do you guys find that reaching your mini weight loss goals makes you more motivated, or more slackerish? ‘Cause I struggle with this one.

SO! I’ve decided to come up with a little motivation plan to keep me on track through the remainder of my weight loss journey. Whether you’ve lost five pounds, fifteen, or fifty… if you have further to go, maybe this will help you too! And if you have any other tips or tricks to add to this, please share them. I’d love to hear your advice. :)

  1. Keeping photos of myself at my goal weight on the fridge, on my phone, on my computer desktop. If you haven’t been at your goal weight yet, find a photo of someone around that weight/size and it might motivate you more.
  2. Keeping my skinny jeans in plain view. I have them on my dresser, and I look at them almost every day. Every few weeks I’ll try them on just to remind myself that while I fit loosely into my size 14’s and can squeeze into a 12… I still can’t zip up those 8’s, so I’m not there yet and it’s not time to eat carrot cake.
  3. Watching shows like The Biggest Loser, Diet Tribe and You Are What You Eat (BBC) – it reminds me that physical activity helps to make you stronger and it will increase the effectiveness of your diet plan in losing weight. The success stories are motivational!
  4. Keeping active in the weight loss blogging community. Blogging about my journey, reading other people’s blogs and participating in challenges helps to keep me on track.
  5. Along with that, participating in the Bloggerhood of the Traveling Not So Fat Pants. This one is a huge motivator because I’ve got a pair of 14 jeans that are going out to another woman in a month. I need to be in my size 12’s by then so I can follow through on my commitment to her. On that same note, she’s working hard on her weight loss plan so she can fit into those 14’s I send her by the time they get to her.

So there you have it! My little motivational tips. I’d love to hear what else you guys do to keep you motivated on your weight loss journey!

Thanks for having me, and I hope you all have a kick-ass Halloween. :)

~Jenn (Ex Hot Girl)

Categories: exercise · food/diet · health · list · thoughts · weight
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This Halloween, You’re Getting Jack Sh*t

October 31, 2009 · 4 Comments

I am currently driving a bus full of American Study Abroad students in the wine region of Western Australia. I have asked some great bloggers to provide guests posts for me.

So…here is Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit. If you haven’t followed him..DO! NOW! I command you. Enjoy. Ohh and Happy Halloween–silly Australians have no idea what they’re missin’ out on. ~M (p.s. say a prayer for my sanity)

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This Halloween, You’re Getting Jack Sh*t ~Jack Sh*t

Hi, my name’s Jack Sh*t and I’ve engineered a hostile takeover of this space for the day. “Why?” you ask. Good question. I guess because Michelle asked me to fill in for her for the day, and I don’t like to turn down requests from anyone (even Australians*).
*Actually, Michelle was born an American and later converted to Australianism

Since we’re right on top of Halloween, I thought I’d do something related, but my research indicated that Australians aren’t as in tune with our spook-tacular holiday as rootin’-tootin’ Americans. Their loss, I say.

Speaking of losses, Halloween is a tough time of year to try and manufacture one on the weight-loss front, what with all the candy flying around and bombastic costume parties. Anyway, this whole line of pondering got me to thinking about all the various ways that being overweight is like Halloween, which caused me to write this list called “Ways Being Overweight is Like Halloween.”
Ways Being Overweight is Like Halloween

• They don’t make the best clothes in your size

• There’s too much emphasis on sweets

• You’re annoyed by people who insist on giving out healthy treats

• Sometimes you get creeped out when you see yourself in the mirror

• You buy bags of miniature Twix and KitKat bars “for the kids”

• It’s a celebration of empty calories

• Can’t walk around the block without stopping at every house and asking for food

• You hate giving away your candy

• When you get dressed up, people think you look frightening

• You wind up eating even the candy you don’t like

• A lot of people are really against it

Insert your own “goblin” joke here

• You often steal food from your children

• You want to hide your face

Happy Halloween to one and all, Happy Whatever to you friendly Australians and, if you get the chance, stop by Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit for a little more weight loss and fitness nonsense. Thanks for letting me play in your backyard, Michelle.

Categories: food/diet · health · idea · list · thoughts · weight
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Sabotaging your own success?

October 27, 2009 · 20 Comments

This is a post which I have wanted to write about for a while. Perhaps it’s just popped back into my head due to a comment that one of my friends said to me today

I do really good with eating, but when people aren’t around then I just kick into unhealthy eating habits.

I bring this up because there are self- sabotaging behaviours in my life, past and present, which have reared their ugly head..and I want to write about them.

  • Not finishing a fitness program
  • Binging when the scale is low
  • Constantly making sure that I am meeting other people’s approval
  • Baking late at night when I am tired, after a good day of eating, and binging on the baked goods

I have thought long and hard about these certain things and what it boils down to, for me, is being afraid of success.

AFRAID OF SUCCESS!??!?! Are you kidding me?

Yes…I am NOT kidding you.

How have I gotten over these defeating behaviours?

  • Not needing to be perfect for someone else
  • Not needing to be perfect for me
  • Appreciating myself for where I am
  • Doing fitness challenges that I ACTUALLY want to do and not because I feel like I should
  • Not weighing myself for the rest of 2009
  • Surrounding myself with supportive people
  • Remembering it’s a journey

I don’t have the answers. However, this is what ran through my head so much when I was engaging in these defeating behaviours: If I change/lose weight/run a marathon/break-up with someone–then how will I define myself?

I have spent a long LONG time defining myself as a dieter.

  • Oh, I am up and down.
  • Nope can’t have that, I am on a diet.
  • Man, I just really need to stop binging.
  • I can’t seem to EVER finish a fitness program

Now: definition of Michelle: I am me.

Have you experienced this before? If so, what have you dealt with and how did you overcome?

~M

Some resources to have a read through:

Categories: health · idea · thoughts · weight
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Investing

October 24, 2009 · 8 Comments

I was totally moved by this comment from my post on the SCALE yesterday

weigh your soul…
really, whatever it is you focus your energy in, grows, so I think it’s better to focus on the things you want to grow in your life instead of in those you want to get rid of

I woke up this morning. I thought about what I’d normally put my energy into, and what I WANT to put my energy into:

  • I will not eat any sugar or dairy today
    • I am focusing on feeding my body things it can process, that are healthy and make me feel good.
  • I will no binge today

    • I am going to get down with my bad self and honour the signals from my body
  • I will lose 2 pounds this week
    • I will continue to work out and eat healthy. I have faith that whatever my body wants to lose it will. (that felt really good to write)
  • I don’t want to feel this fat again
    • You may be a bit bloated, but you are focusing on fueling and exercising–you are focusing on a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE
  • I will get my house clean
    • Living in a clean, inviting space is something that I take pride in.

I would argue that focusing your mental patterns around things you want to actually INVEST your energy into is so much more powerful, then investing into things you don’t want.

It’s not sugar coating anything. It’s refocusing your mental/physical/spiritual juice.

Where can you re-invest your energy? Please share!

~M

Categories: health · idea · thoughts · weight
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the SCALE

October 23, 2009 · 17 Comments

I need to write this post…because it’s something that I struggle with..YES I STRUGGLE.

THE SCALE!

weight-loss-scale

It’s your best friend when it’s less than the last time you stepped on it
It’s the spark of a depressing day when it’s up
It’s the instigator of dehydration and starvation
It’s the validation I crave
It’s the most cussed annoyingly and dependent thing I HATE to have to have

I stepped on the damn thing this morning and guess what, it read high..higher than I want to admit. I freaked. What a shitty way to wake up.

I then started the whole mental talk:

  • You need to be the cleanest eater this week
  • You need to work out more
  • You need to wear a loose dress cause you’re fat today
  • You need to seriously stop snacking at night–YOU KNOW BETTER

then I.STOPPED. and SNAPPED OUT OF IT!

What the hellz bellz am I doing to myself? This is stupid. This is END FAT TALK WEEK for Christ Sakes Michelle. Snap out of it. So, I Twittered and Facebooked..because frankly, there people get it.

I asked: Do you weigh yourself?

TaydorTott It becomes obsessive so I just don’t do it! I can tell if I’ve gained weight by the mirror or clothes!

MATTIDW I hate weighing myself

modernation I weigh myself sometimes to understand how my nutrition, exercise and lifestyle choices affect it. No scale during #FTFW

SeeSarahEat I weigh in 1x/week to check in. If it starts going up too much I know to adjust a bit. But it doesn’t rule my life (anymore)!

FindingJewels i feel like the scale is good at keeping me accountable, but i sometimes allow it to dictate my self worth that day =\

I Facebooked about it and got some other interesting responses, Men this time weighing in!

Dennis O’Hare: I weigh myself almost every morning. I think it’s good feedback.

Brandon Rose: once every couple weeks if I’m not making an effort and every day or two if I have a goal in mind…

Kelly Moffatt: Throw it out the window. It will make you feel better!
Then I saw this: this made me snap out of it
Maria G Gomez Bernardez

weigh your soul…
really, whatever it is you focus your energy in, grows, so I think it’s better to focus on the things you want to grow in your life instead of in those you want to get rid of ;)
AMEN!
I will NOT weigh myself for the rest of 2009. That is HUGE. That actually makes me nervous.
I am going to weigh my soul instead. Place my energy into my tri training, my friend network, into my body signals and having FUN!
What are your thoughts on ‘the scale’
~M

Categories: health · idea · thoughts · weight
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Release the Revolution

October 22, 2009 · 10 Comments

I have been overwhelmed by the response of the Exposed post that I wrote.

Yesterday, I went to a Networking Function for Women here in Perth. I leaned over to my friend and said:

You know I am not really going to talk about my job, I am going to talk about my blog. Because that is where my passion lies right now. It’s where I feel like I am who I am all the time.

I mentioned how MizFit, on her National Love Your Body Day post, had linked back to me and kept the idea of positive body image alive no matter what your size.

I then came home and saw this on my Twitter:

RonisWeigh I was compelled 2 post this morning thanks 2 @MizFitOnline & @eatingjourney Why do you love your body? My Exposed Post. http://bit.ly/1QeGRp

I went to Roni’s post Why do you love your body?. There she had posted a picture like the one I did.

WHAT? Never in a MILLION years did I EVER think that this would come about.

I just bawled. I just sat and bawled. I actually went over to my friend Nic’s house and bawled..for a good solid 10 minutes.

everything that I’ve put myself through, my mind through, my soul though—It has been worth it to share with everyone.

I felt totally released. Everything flew out the window. All the luggage was dropped. DONE AND DUSTED.

I woke up to these amazing woman continuing the revolution:

Let the Release and Revolution begin. Let it overwhelm you and free you from the negative chains that you may have. Let it enable celebration.

Go have a look at these posts. Spread the word. Let’s enable women/men/boys/girls to END FAT TALK forever!

~M

Twittering
Eating
Exercising

p.s. if you know of anyone else who have done a similar thing, please let me know in the comments or e-mail me: eatingjourney @ gmail com

Categories: health · idea · thoughts · weight
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FAT!Fat!FAT!—it’s all talk

October 20, 2009 · 18 Comments

I am FAT!
I am a FAT COW!
I am going to stay in because I am FAT!
I am UGLY!
I am not going to eat, because I feel FAT!
I am going to go running twice a day everyday because I want to be SKINNY!
I HATE the way I look.
I am too FAT for anyone to love me.
I HATE MYSELF!

This is to the girls, the boys, the men, the women, the husbands, the wives, the mothers, the daughters, the sons, the grandmothers…who all endure the FAT TALK that PLAGUES us.

It happened to me…but not anymore. Part of my ending FAT TALK for myself was posting this and showing this picture of myself.

positive-body-image-4

This is my LOVE talk.

FAT TALK is an epidemic which is robbing our children, our parents, our society of confidence, positive body image, and healthy lifestyles. FAT TALK is increasing obesity, eating disorders, and an unhealthy focus on outward appearance. FAT TALK is stopping potential, growth, expansion and development of our youth.

This video made me cry….I want EVERYONE TO SEE IT!

Support FAT TALK FREE WEEK! How?

  • Support Delta Delta Delta by signing this petition
  • Go to Operation Beautiful–get your positive energies up and post a note
  • Follow EndFatTalk on Twitter
  • Write a list of 10 things you love about yourself
  • Counteract your friends, neighbours, family from any FAT TALK they say
  • Spread this around!

It’s up to each of us to ensure that we are ending FAT TALK!

So tell me, what’s your LOVE talk?

~M

Categories: health · idea · list · thoughts · weight
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Family & Friends & Fat Talk

October 19, 2009 · 7 Comments

Today has been crazy busy. We’re under an audit right now so I had to go infront of a panel of auditors..throw the charm and my job out on the table.

I walked away pretty proud of myself actually, I felt like our team is solid.

I snacked on about 1 large handful of almonds and 1/2 c. of homemade applesauce–recipe coming..promise.

Tonight’s Tri training was:

  • 12 minute run
  • 1 minute walk
  • 6 minute run
  • 30 second walk
  • 5 minute run

P1013110

I came home and started to stretch–my hamstrings get REALLY sore and tight if I don’t. MizFit post about the stretching today..how fitting. Check it out..it’s good, cause I think that you do need to stretch, it’s important.

BIG NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Mom, Grandma and Sister are going to do the 5km Run/Walk with me on December 5th!!!!

fam 1grandma

My AMAZING friend Madi is going to do the Tri w/ me in Feb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

madi

I am SO excited. It’s gonna be awesome not only for me, but also for them. Having the three generations together to walk when I am home is gonna be fantastic.

I am really excited for Madi. She’s on a journey and this part of it for her :)

One more thing before I sign off to go do dishes and laundry. I want you to PLEASE watch this Video.

It’s part of End Fat Talk Week. It will make you cry. It will make you think about your life. Please spread it around to EVERYONE you know!

How are you going to end Fat Talk in your week this week?

~M

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Categories: exercise · health · idea · thoughts · weight
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